Cant get help in a catch 22 !

[ROCK]

The problem for me and my escalating benzo use, is that my HMO , would send me to their mental health devision ,and after I tell them my problem of taking 2mg xanax ,and quickly going from ome per day to 2-3 per day ,that they would take a urine at whichtime they would find that Im also have methadone in my system ! They would not treat the condition untill i came clean for opiates ,their opiate detox is a joke because I ried it B/4 I even started Mmt. They are big on hemopathic medicine ,90% of their Doctors are taught in other countries with what I consider much less medicial education then a top notch colledge in US ,you know India ,Central America , these Doctors as far as Iam concerned provide substandard treatment ,to the point of not knowing what they are donig. They pat eachother on the back as being excellent Doctors ! Well how is having a 90%+ failure rate in addiction treatment make for a excellent Doctor. Anyone in any other job who has 905 of their work fail would be quickly fired. In the end its the patients who pay the ultimate price for profit driven health care. This includes the Methadone clinic Doctors and my HMO Doctors . They would put unreasonable restrictions on me that would make it impossible for me to work ,thus causing me to no longer be able to afford their services ,and then would let you die homeless in the street . Lets face it the cold reality of money dictating almost every aspect of our life , and our worth as a person depending on what our incomes are , perhaps explains why so many are taking drugs to escape reality ! Sorry , Iam so negative oday ,tomarrow I may feel differantly if I ever meet someone who truely cares about more then how fat your wallet is.

[ROCK]

I apoligize for the typos , I was going to try and edit it after posting ,however I cant find a option for editing, once its posted. I now know to proof read it B/4 posting. Robinhoodlym, thank you for a really goo idea of having a place for us with a dual addiction problem to come to and blow of some steam or help others if we can ,you have some good Karma coming your way. best wishes
ROCK>NicRic

[skye aka tweety]

TO rock i totally agree thats why i jumped here real quick and stayedz!,much needed!,,,skye!aka tweety

[robinhoodlym]

Rock, that is fairly common for us in MMT - if we want to get detoxed off the benzos, they also want to take us off the opiates at the same time - the only way around that is by going into the psyche ward where they can keep you on MMT while you detox off benzos, the problem there is you will only be there for 6-7 days and end up still on benzos and taking pscyhe meds....

The trick is to do a proper taper - now get the meds for the taper from a dr. if you can - have you seen the ashton manula for the taper schedule and corssover from xanax to valium? I know it starts for those on about 6 mg a day, but it can be adjust for those on less...

It is easier this way, you can do it yourself over time at home - and if you do it right, with minimum effects... otherwwise cold turkey benzos is a pregnant dog even if you are on only 2-3 mgs a day.

[ROCK]

Thanks for the reply and the info Robihoodlym , Iam going to take your advice and try doing my own taper ,my problem is, as I assume many addicts have, my lack of self control and my inability to stay with a program ! I always tell myself I will start tomarrow , then that tomarrow never comes .I've tried even having my wife hold my meds and dole them out to me ,however usally she gets sick of me asking her to go off the taper and give me a extra one ,for whatever excuse I will use that day .You know ,having a really bad day today ,YaDa YaDa ! I guess untill I want to really change ,I cant rely on others to force me to do it. I at least finally have admitted to myself I have a definite problem ,and Iam going to lose everything I say I really care about ,my wife ,kids ,perhaps even my life if I dont stop , its a vicious circle that spins faster and faster out of control , and then one day you turn around and you are at a place in your life you said you would never want to be ,or never allow yourself to be. Well again thanks and I will try today ,to start cutting down ,yesterday I said that and ended up taking 3-2mg xanax , Iam not even sure what dose Iam addicted to ? I would guess trying to take only one would not be easy ,but today is a Sunday ,I dont have to work ,only have to wash my cloths, wash the car ,take my son to the park to ride his pocket bike. I remember when I was single and al I did all day on a Sunday was lay around and nurse a hangover from going clubing the night B/4 , I dont miss that life ,but sometimes always having things ,that need to be done is perhaps what adds to the anxiety ,and causes the self medicating behavior. I forgot to mention, I also have to schedule my week of appointments for my business ! One thing Iam finding out about taking to many benzos is that it reaks havock on your memorey and even your ability to think straight ,when I try setting up my work week , I will get so confused I just stop saying what ther hell is wrong with me .I've been doing this since 1985 and yet its like i just started the job yesterday ! I will let you know how today turned out ! Again thanks
Sincerely NicRic

[robinhoodlym]

And saying the same thing over and over to the same client at work... but different versions each time, not remembering if you lied about something or told the truth... the not remembering killed me in business pretty much...

Oh well, someday I can get that back now that I no longer have my memory compromised chemically though I do have a big blank for much of 2003 -

Once I knew I had to do the taper, I had no problem taking only what I needed to take, I did not have to have anyone hold them, but then again, my taper was only one month, = I don't suggest that short of a taper since it was not therapeutic - but once you know, you know... I mean, I had lost my job, been in the pysche ward where they basically said they couldn't help me, no one wanted to help me, no doctors wanted to touch my condition... I had no one to rely on at this point but myself to save my life... I did not even really want to live, but I figured killing myself would be selfish and cowardly.... it was time to grow up.