Aliveonmeth's Story

[Aliveonmeth]

Hi Guys,
I am a NYC native on and off (mostly on) Methadone since the mid 70's. I finally got on Medical Maintenance last year so I now pick up my prescription for the month in a doctors office. Just a perscription like any other. For the first time in decades, I can travel at my leisure and don't have to get up in the morning and slog through every kind of weather to get the medication I am entitled to. I can take it how and when I want and am comfortable doing so. Hopefully this is the future of most methadone Treatment. In order to qualify for this program you must have documented clean toxicologies for three years and be a working responsible adult. This was so little to ask for such a huge reward. The cost is dramatically less than the clinics because there is no gigantic beaurocratic infrastructure to feed. Just the Doctor's fee and the Medication which incidentally costs abot 25 cents a biscuit. Out of 65 patients on this pilot program not one has relapsed or been discharged since it's inception, and we are a colorful highly diverse (Jazz Musicians, Professionals, Corporate Types as well as Doctors, Nurses and people like me in the Entertainment Industry.)accomplished group of men and women. Hardly an 'intimidating' or 'undesirable' demographic eh?Hee hee. Looking at a group of us you might mistake us for a Rotary Club meeting. Hahaha! No lie!!

We are very aware that people are observing us closely to see how we do to determine the future of Medical Maintenance in the US. Needless to say the Clinic system is not in favor of allowing this to replace them, and are lobbying against it at every opportunity. We welcome the role of groundbreakers and I can tell you that the difference it has made in my own life is notable. I got 'Sober' in 2000. Kicked the Xanax,Clonipin, Valium, Cocaine and Alcohol. Habits which had almost totally destroyed my life. The Benzo detox was the most unpleasent drawn out and frightening of all the withdrawls I have ever experienced, and I've seen more than my share. For months I had a sense of impending doom and a bitter metallic taste which rendered food unedible most of the time. I could neither function when awake nor sleep at night. I suffered the passing of each millisecond as my cells protested in billion part harmony. Even my HAIR hurt!!! I thought I had lost my mind and that I would never get through to the other side. But just when I resigned myself to enduring a life of abject despair, I woke up one day and it had passed. I will never forget that feeling as long as I live. As RobinH put it so well it is like a bad Acid trip that goes on and on. Since i started taking care of myself again my life has come full circle. After 9/11 I volunteered and worked at Ground Zero for six months. It was an experience which changed my life. After that I slowly rejoined the Job Market and worked my way back to the industry in which I have spent my life working(Music.) I've since bought and operated a sucessfull small business in NYC, and I currently work in production on several highly rated syndicated FM Radio shows. Yet I still have time to help my fellow addict whenever the chance presents itself, that more than anything helps to keep me on the righteous path. Life which for so long was a bitter pill has become a JOY! I swim a mile three days a week, surf, Sk8 and have a more active life now than ever before. People need to know that it is all possible on methadone, even as a result OF Methadone. Make methadone work for you, and don't let it work you!Nobody would ever mistake me for a "Methadonian," but that is because I take care of myself the way I deserve to be taken care of. I am the picture of health and happiness. Live your life don't let your life live you. It is all the other stuff we do to ourselves re: lifestyle that causes the dissouloution of our families,health and well beings. Oh well I'm gonna get off my soapbox, just wanted to let you know that there is a beautiful life waiting for you right around the corner. Reach for the potential in your life.

Feelfree to contact me if I can be of any help .

One love

[robinhoodlym]

Wow! What a great Story! Thanks for th ecouragement... I am still in the shock of getting over much of the benzo w/d and trying to crawal out from the shell it put me in! Thanks again! Like you say in so many words, it gets better once you make the decision to do better.

[Kate]

Yes Robinhoodlym...WOW!!!!!!!!
Aliveonmeth...your story was both inspiring and frightening.
I honestly can say, in the 7 years that I have been on methadone, I have never, ever heard anybody speak so positively about it.
What I mean by that is....the way you describe how you live your life while on methadone...... having meth work for you...(you work it..it does not work you)...well, it is simply awesome and unheard of...by me, at least!
Good on ya!! You are an awesome example for so many people who would love to be able to live their lives the way that you do on meth!

As far as your taper off of benzos is concerned, [glow=red,2,300]CONGRATULATIONS!!!![/glow]

I am not there yet...and truthfully, I am afraid to be where you are now...because of what it may take me to get there.
I have been on benzos for about 15yrs...the benzo that was prescribed most frequently, was Diazepam...I was always on anywhere from 40mgs/day to 80mgs/day. My current lack of a proper taper, and diazepam..is due to my current lack of a psychiatrist.

For now, my meth doctor...who basically knows absoloutely nothing about anything...has me on a quick taper using Clonazepam.....when I say quick...I mean faster than a bloody speeding bullet...in 2 weeks, he expects me to have successfully tapered off of benzos........and to not experience any w/d symptoms!!
...pardon my french, but, this doctor truly is an uneducated, ignorant, judgemental moron...who lacks the ability to remotely empathize with me...and from what I have heard, any of his patients!!

Sorry, I tend to get quite carried away when I talk about this doctor...I am frustrated.
I am also incredibly sad. I have researched the Heather Ashton Method of benzo tapers....and not only does my methadone doctor refuse to do that, I am also having to wait upwards of 6 months before I can start seeing another shrink who could actually assist me in tapering properly.
...Okay, okay!!! Enough about me and my misery!!!
Seriously, I didn't mean, at all to be so long winded...so sorry guys!
I am so happy for you Aliveonmeth!!

Of course, I cannot forget to sincerely Congrats Robinhoodlym on his successful taper!!!
so...[glow=red,2,300]Congratulations RobinH...you've been quite the inspiration as well!!!
Thank you so much for creating this forum...you are awesome![/glow]
Hugs,
Kate

[skye aka tweety]

I too agree with Aliveonmeth about the withdrawls from benzos,imo they are yet the worst for me to have been taken off of,There will some who will disagree but for me it was the worst,i am not addicted to them anymore or have to go through that waful sense of w/d form them,worrying about the sezoiurs ,waking up in every emerg in my area wondering why i was there,the sweats,the aches and pains and then the mind playing tricks on ya scene was just horrible all because i tried cold turkey,when i finally realized that i didnt need to be taking the 10s( blue) of diazapams to become not sick or even to get that feeling i so much loved ,see wih these ya keep chasing the amounts ,say one day you start with one,as time carries on you need more ,more and more to get that same feeling as ya got from the first 1 blue pill...when i tapered i did it different ways ,back then thats why i ended up in the emerg....if you dont taper of these properly this can and will happen to you!,the addictivness of the diazepams are very severe and same with the withdrawls,if your diagnosed with any type of sleep disorder stay away from benzos,tell your physican you need some thing non-adictive ,exsersize ,dont over exsertert your self but get into blood pumping into your veins to kinda wear ya down but at a slow pace,and again consult a physican about what your intentions are,when one gets the heart rate up at a good pace and continues it on a reg basis ,it seems that by the end of the evening you may feel, over time ,just dying to get into that bed and crash ,another thing is the physical aspect plays on the brain,think positive ,i know that worries of peoples lives plays on our brains alot ,this also keeps our sleeping patteren down...to much on the go at one time is not a good thing(,leaving things unfinished),try to keep a journalor a type of list and write it up for your daily things to do,keep it near by once youve accomplished that chore croos it off,not only is it a great feeling that youve gotten one thing done but it becomes little by little pressure off of the brain and the worries...i tend to forget many things (due To sides) from my hep c tx,so i started to do this what a big difference it makes,just the load that gets lifted is wonderful.....People like to stereotype drug addicts as we all know,but as aliveonmeth mentions like i do i dont let the mmt rule my life i rule mmt,even though i am on 10mgs ,aND WILL BE GOING DOWN ANOTHER 2 NEXT WEEK ,its a slow process i have no desire to use anything ,like i saID ITS TAKEN me 10 years to get here ,and maybe it will be a smoother and quicker ride to get to zero ,i can only answer that ,but it will happen soon,i felt no diference in my tapper from 15 to 10 natta,in the methadone drop tapper,and its been awhile now so i feel its time to give it a try if anything happens ,like cravings og some sort well then i can always go back to my 10mg so number 8mg here i come ...

[jagee]

Skye, how many mg of methadone were you at when you were at your highest?

Congrates on tapering off so well. You give me hope. Thank you.

[skye aka tweety]

Hi jaG,To answer your question in how much in amount of methadone i was on, was 280mg 10 years ago,i slowly tapered down now to 10 soon to come down another 2 at next dcotors visit,its been a challenge ,there were times i had to go eihter higher at one point after tapering due to whatever was going on in my life,but i realize now it was alot to due with stress,It was imo an excuess to a point,i never really had any major withdrawls for me to go back up ,it was just plain ole learning how to live in the everyday world,I was just getting use to blaming my problems on not being on the right dose,theres a real big difference in realizing w/d from methadone and just plain life s problems and stesses,thats when one can really begin to taper properly when they finally admit to themselves maybe its not all about being under that drugs contol,but our own control,physical,and emtionalw/ds are very different as i would like to share with you all,the typical physical w/ds are probably something we have all gone through at one time or another,the achey mucles,the leg cramps,weak,dizzy,cant concentrate ,mood swings,ect ect,but for just plain not having any type of high dosent mean either underdosed or overdosed...imo....its the not doing it slow and under a doctors care being monitored professionaly that matters,also alot has to do with what we expect to come out of taking our methadone dose,some wait for a so -called high,which imo isnt whats supposed to be going on,whats supossed to be going on is nothing,just plain ole nothing,either feelings of being high or sick,just feeling again,like waking up for the first time in so long you actually think your not dosed right!,but thats the right dose!,now as for benzos i feel they work the same way,after the horible w/ds period is over that is....

[skye aka tweety]

To kate i read your post to aliveonmeth about that youve never heard of the way hes worked his program,you said to you it was unheard of and was inspiring,its so true once people start to change their thinking patterns of the clinic rules and regs,and work their own tx s in a positive way ,imo it will work that way!,you no longer give them the power to control your life,keep a close watch on your goals and try to get there little by little,make your goals reachable,even start with a written journal,this actually works,slow tappering is the key with any addictive drug,but it willone day pay off,life is a learning experience some get it others dont,but i believe in listening to others that are positive,and what has worked for them ,in other words keeping an open mind.what might not work for you might not work for me as we are all indivuial,but i believe that the key to the real soulution is slow and positive,finding ways to keep one busy is another way or form of this disease ,helping others with your stories so they may one day give it a try to see if its possible it can work for them that way too,we are all geneticly different but having negitivity around is always going to slow you down..

[detroitdave]

Hi Alive,I am still on the benzos doing a slow taper.I tried tapering fast twice and thought I was going to die.I didnt sleep for 28 days once,and then only slept because I went back on the benzos.I am at 130mg of meth a day.My question is how did you taper,time frame,dose,etc.Thanks for the help.Good Luck..........Dave